“I’m sure they didn’t mean it.”
“You don’t need to feel that way.”
“Quit thinking about it so much.”
“It’s not as bad as you think.”
Those are some of the things guys have said for years – and found that they don’t have nearly the result we desire. That’s because we haven’t known marital math. We have believed falsely that if we match our wives emotion with our own, then we add to the emotional presence.
We have been concerned that if we exhibited frustration to match their frustration at some calamity, we multiply frustration.
We have believed that if we got angry along with her at whatever she was angry at, we multiply anger.
We have been convinced that if we grieved with her over those things that have saddened her, we multiply sadness.
Actually, downplaying their emotion leads to increased emotion – in their hearts and in our homes.
Marital math works differently. Grieve with her. Get mad with her (not at her, with her). Get frustrated with her. Matching her emotion with your own makes her feel understood, appreciated, and like you are her partner – and this will bring her emotions down. All of them, that is except, her emotional connection and sense of friendship and love with you.
That’s how Marital Math works!