I’m leaving my past in my behind. I could tell you for hours all the hurts I’ve experienced in our marriage. She could, too. We used to rehearse them in our heads over and over again. We were in ministry so we didn’t rehearse them with others very much, but the man in mirror heard a bunch. No more of that joyless thinking. No more of that destructive thought. I’m leaving that behind.
I’m leaving the old man of death. I used to get bitter. I was filled with malice. I cussed her, under my breath of course, because I was the preacher. I was argumentative and cutting. I was mean, but I was just, so I thought, because I was only mean back! I’m leaving that behind.
I’m leaving pride. That pride that keeps me stoic towards her when I know I’m right; I’m walking out on it. That pride that is the source of sarcasm that I used to make her feel small, foolishly believing it makes me look big; no more of that. I’m leaving that behind.
I’m leaving immaturity. I’m not outgrowing her. I’m outgrowing me. The “me” that had the reaction of a two-year old when I felt mistreated. That immaturity that made me clam up in quietness that my older siblings called pouting when I was a kid. That immaturity that shot those mean looks to communicate my disapproval, rather that moving toward some conversation that connected. I’m leaving that behind.
I’m out. Out of living in the past. Out of sin. Out of pride. Out of immaturity.
That’s freedom in my life with my wife whom I have promised to never leave! I feel better already!