When a husband says to his wife, “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to upset you,” most often, he’s not telling the real truth. He may not know it, but often something else is behind withholding information.
The truth usually is, he didn’t tell his wife because he didn’t want to deal with her being upset.
Then when his wife finds out anyway and gets upset, for him it’s kind of like a “This-is-why-I-didn’t- tell-you” kind of feeling.
Now that doesn’t make a lot of sense to most wives and that’s OK. A lot of things women do don’t make a lot of sense to husbands either.
Men often don’t handle elevated emotional conversations very well, particularly if some mess up on their part caused the elevated emotion.
Wives, if you can let your husband know how angry you are with words spoken more gently, your conversation may go much better. There is powerful wisdom behind that. “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1).
So, express the anger and express your desire to not get harsh. Then try your hardest to keep the looks, gestures, and tones at a level at which he can engage.