Marriage is not Pink (For Ladies)

Ladies, marriage is not pink. Your marriage is not for you to direct and operate. It belongs to both of you. Therefore:

1. When your husband has some counsel or insight, consider it. Maybe it sounds like he’s trying to fix things because he is. If he never gets to fix things and if his insight is typically dismissed, he feels like you think he is useless.

2. When/if he loads the dishwasher, folds the clothes, vacuums the floor, or washes the clothes he might being doing it his way instead of doing it wrong. There is a difference – at least there should be a difference with you.  Memorize the popular phrase, “Not right, not wrong, just different.”

3. Keep in mind that he does not babysit the kids while you are gone. He daddies them and that looks different from mothering them. Daddying them often involves craziness, slight danger, bruises, and wrestling. Studies say mothering AND daddying are good for kids. Don’t treat him like a babysitter.

5. Argue in a way that he can engage. For many men, the tendency is to withdraw when you raise your voice. It is because he cares about the relationship and doesn’t want to retaliate in the way his nature pushes him. No man would talk to him like you can without it leading to a fight. Appreciate his restraint and keep your voice sweet and your face soft so that he can feel honorable about engaging with you.

6. If he is willing to get help only months or years after you’ve begged for it, don’t be stubborn. Pursue it with him. Sure it’s frustrating, but it is your marriage.

— Richard May

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