When a four year-old gets disappointed, hurt, or frustrated, but responds with gentleness and kindness, we praise them. And we should. That kind of response settles matters quickly.
If the four year-old reacted with hours of puckered lips, mean looks, and coldness; we would chastise them and demand that they quit pouting. And we should.
Gentleness and kindness look good in adults, too. In fact, they are fruit of the Spirit.
When we get disappointed, hurt, or frustrated, often husband and wives will explode or implode and then make a commitment to be upset. He will be cold and removed. She will cease offering affection and warmth. Sometimes the goal is to emphasize the depth of pain. Often the purpose is payback. Whatever the motive, it isn’t mature; nor is it Christ-like.
On the other hand if you will respond with gentleness and kindness, apologizing for the initial explosion or implosion, and moving quickly to embrace your spouse, you will be acting in amazing maturity. You will be settling matters quickly. At least, you’ll be doing what you should toward that end. Hopefully, your spouse will respond positively, too. Without a doubt, though, Jesus will know what you did, and he will reward you.